Ex Dee: The Quest for Genocide City!
Come one, come all, as a magical story of love and romance, fraught with danger, action, and much intrigue, is about to unfold. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the story that should have been told, but never was. This, my friends, is The Quest for Genocide City! Toot toot Sonic warrior!
Sonic the Hedgehog, is a wonderful gaming franchise. It has forever brought joy to millions of children, adults, perverts and obsessive fan-boys and fan-girls. Sonic and his posse of precision jumping furry friends have forever set new grounds in the world of platform gaming. No one can do multi-system porting quite like Sonic!
Sonic Team are the marvellous men and women responsible for creating Sonic and co, and what a mighty fine team they are indeed. Rampant with fresh ideas and spectacular new ways to keep the gaming populace entertained, they are an icon for all gaming developers, and I'm not just talking about NiGHTS!
However, all is not lush and green within the history of Sonic the Hedgehog. You see, when games are in development stages, many stages, objects, characters, and unexplainably fantastic ideas are created, these pre-release versions of games are commonly known as betas (or, ways-to-impress-the-press). Some of this material, is often cut before the game is considered finished, for unknown reasons, however, Sonic Team don't always do the most marvellous job of covering their tracks, oh no. This, my friends is where our story originates!
Evidence of these Betas is commonly found in the form of ancient screenshots, videos, or dinner invites, released to solely impress the press. The games themselves are not destroyed, but stored within the mighty Sonic Team vault. The location of this vault was always a highly kept secret, until one frightful day.
Oh MY! Could this be true?! Could SOA be opening their archives? Surely not, for within there would lie the material the fans actually want to see, as opposed to Phatasy Star Online III CARD Revolution!
YES! It was true! The SOA archives were being opened!
...All was regular in #cult, a stronghold of vicious warriors, lead by the mighty PACHUKA and his wonder posse, who fight day-in, and day-out, to find new evidence and proof of this beta material, along with creating wonderful variations of it themselves, and forever bringing justice to the Sonic franchise fans.
News spread like wildfire over the Sonic fan-kingdom, reaching far corners of the globe, from the Sonic CulT (yay!) to Sonic Classic (Boo!). You see, all is not friendly, or at least, intelligible, within the Sonic community, oh no. There is vicious rivalry to find these magical betas!
But why would the archives be opened? It seems extremely strange. But oh well, who honestly cares? We're going to find us some Genocide City (and well, Dust Hill I suppose, but no one gives two flying Monkeynuts about that)! Off to Sega HQ we go, mighty Sonic CulT! Super Sonic Racing!
The CulT arrived at the SOA Headquarters, however, it had appeared that the army of SClassic had arrived first, complete with their deadly array of Archiebots (OH SHIT!), they WERE going to have this material, and they WERE going to sell it in the Community Mall for Rings!
A vicious battle erupted, with skin, bone, blood, male penises, and fur, flying all over the place!
However, while the battle raged on, the head of SOA plotted a nefarious scheme, almost that on scale with a Megaman villain! CulT! No! You mustn't proceed! You see, the people of Sega wish to destroy those who care most about finding evidence of these Betas, so they can continue with the vicious plot of removing ALL of Sonic's history, and force feed the children of a new generation the Sonic Advance series, causing everyone to become their robotic slaves!
This would be a fate worse than death! Anyway, CulT won the battle, by simply shoving a dildo (goodness!) in to the SClassic swear filter plug thingy, thus causing the head's of the Archiebots to implode! Huzzah!
The CulT army proceeded into the building, not knowing what lay in front of them, when before too long, a dark shadow appeared in front of them, it was the SOA CEO complete with Mecha Princess Sally, the bastard lovechild of the SOA head CEO's! And NO, it is NOT Metal, Metalla, or Metallix Sally thank you very much.
The CulT'ers we're enraged! MUST KILL! More fighting ensued; CulT would not lose to this fan-fiction dream! ROAR!
So they won, duh, and proceeded to the vault. Carefully opening the heavy door, they had dillusions of grandeur, and wondrous things.
Damn! It was a bust! However, all was not lost, inside the vault lay Simon Wai, the original man who found the Sonic 2 Beta ROM, and brought it into the western world, and had long thought been captured by Sega!
Simon told them the truth, that the real evidence was only stashed away in the vast safe of Sega of JAPAN, and that in order to find the truth, they would have to head deep into the lair of SOJ!
Inspired by the recent crushing of the SOA leader, the CulT were ready to tackle anything in their path! To Sega of Japan! Ho~!
So with that, our story ends, or at least, makes way for a sequel featuring nothing but kick-ass stunts and a semi-CGI PACHUKA kicking arse.
But, I hear you ask, why not ally with the hordes of Sonic fans over the world, and create an army great enough to destroy the vicious SOJ guards?
You've never visited SClassic, have you?
Hoho.
Until next time children, Trigger loves you all.
Concept taken from the original No Jam! By Sinizuh