Ex Dee 2: The Assault on Sega of Japan!
Welcome back, party people. It's time for another chapter in that rivetting "Ex Dee" series, and thus, it's time for a recap on previous events! Or of course, you can read the original Ex Dee, you lazy arse bum.
Sonic CulT had just toppled the vile Sega of America, and army of SClassic, after being falsely told the ancient archives of SoA were to be opened (and we could get some lovely Genocide City!), in the process, they freed the imprisoned Simon Wai. If you don't know who Simon is I'm not going to tell you. Simon told them that it was all a set-up, and that the mighty blue Hedgehog's relics were stored in the feared Sega of Japan HQ. Inspired by this, it was time to kick some Naka ass!
A prolem had arisen. During the vicious battle with Mecha Princess Sally and the Archiebots of SClassic fame; the CulT's prized DICKTRASH MOBILE had been reduced to a scrap heap.
Oh dear, how would one get to Naka's evil lair without a spaceship? All was thought lost until one of the random CulTists had a brilliant idea! Re-use parts of the destroyed Archiebots, combined with a bit of magic dust, and voila! The DICKTRASH SPACEMOBILE XD2000 was born!
Take off! Blast into space CulT~! Everything was going rather swimmingly, until a noise was heard deep in space, it appeared the destruction of SClassic had alerted the pitiful site's friends! INCOMING MOOGLES!
The Moogles attacked, with their vicious prejudice and hatred for the CulT and its leader
Yay! Go CulT! Boobpix for everyone!
Meanwhile, Yuji had got wind of the incoming CulT, and was ready for battle, with his dazzling army of Sonic ports and Sonic Pinball Party carts. It didn't look like it was going to be an easy battle to win!
CulT reached SoJ HQ, and everything was eerily silent upon reaching the lair where Sonic was born. Then, a lone figure appeared in the darkness...
What? SoJ were surrendering? Surely not, the battle hadn't even begun! Everyone knew that Sega's public relations, and ability to fight in a market environment sucked royally, but this was taking the Cream! Then suddenly:
Oh no! A trap! Yuji was going to sacrifice one of the CulT ladies to the evil Sony god in exchange for good sales of Sonic Heroes next year! ROAR! CulT Power! In a vicious transformation scene, the CulT Posse, family, and all the other members, switched into battle mode.
Naka was furious as the CulT swiped back the fellow member from his slimy hands. Now was the time for war, as Naka screeched and summoned a horde of Sega 32x consoles onto himself. Naka was going to use the power of ultimate evil and endless amounts of cabling to destroy the CulT once and for all!
Go! Live action battle!
Swords, Magic, and Savestates, all clashed as Naka fended off the entire CulT. His power seeming to increase with each cry of "AMERICAN BASTARDS!", Yuji then unleashed his ultimate technique--his ability to port things from the past into present day!
Oh no! What was Naka up to? It couldn't be....
Crap! Naka had summoned the spirits of the CulT's trashed past, the legions of idiots thought once banished into the abyss thanks to common sense!
So the CulT battled all the shadows of its past. While Naka plotted something even worse! He was going to self destruct his own base, killing the CulT and idiots, and escape with the Sonic the Hedgehog archives!
Boom! A bomb went off deep within the HQ!
Naka laughed as he escaped in to the deep void of space, had he managed to destroy the CulT!?
Good heavens no. As the base fell to pieces, the CulT ran as quick as they could back to the DICKTRASH SPACEMOBILE XD2000, to give chase to Naka..
Oh no! CulT! You must survive to make a sequel!
And thus, our story makes way for part 3 (it might even come with a trading card game), In Pursuit of Yuji Naka!
I bet you can't wait. Bill G sure can't.
Hoho.
Until next time children, Trigger loves you all.
Concept taken from the original No Jam! By Sinizuh