Ex Dee 4: Stop the King!
Welcome back, possums. It's time for us all to sit around the campfire and engorge ourselves in another piece of Ex Dee. In true multi-sequel ways, it's time for a recap of previous events. Although, Ex Dee 3 should still be as fresh in your minds as the latest Sonic Heroes video, complete with deep voiced Echidnas.
After chasing Yuji Naka through the depths of space, the wonderful Sonic CulT found themselves stranded on a remote island, along with Mister Naka and his precious Sonic the Hedgehog archives. A truce was formed between the two, and it seemed we were finally going to get to see the lost past of the speedy Hedgehog, complete with a side order of Naka boobpix. However, the King of everything rotten and putrid, King Jan Abaza, had followed our heroes, and using the remains of Area51, SClassic and the Moogles, he had constructed a monster capable of destroying the CulT; the SCOOGLE MK.51. With the CulT occupied, Jan wasted no time in escaping with Naka and the archives for his own evil conquest of world domination! A big slap on the wrists you do indeed deserve King Jan!
Our story resumes back at King Jan's lair of flaming homosexuality, where it would appear things aren't running as smoothly as once planned...
Woohoo, go Yuji! While Jan and his goons attempt to create the worst game ever made, back on the nameless island, the CulTists are battling against the ravenous SCOOGLE MK.51, things seemed to be reaching a stalemate.
The battle ravaged on, in true Sonic X filler fashion. However, the SCOOGLE MK.51, had one trick left up its hideous sleeves. King Jan had long studied the CulT in order to figure out its hidden weaknesses. The SCOOGLE MK.51 cashed in all of its Rings from the Community Mall and launched its most feared attack!
Oh deary deary me. The CulT ears, finely tuned to the sounds of classic Sonic gaming (and yes, I suppose that includes stuff by Richard Jacques) weren't used to these shrill high pitched screeches, mashed together from Sonic Advance and a collection of dodgy reworkings of everyone's much loved tunes. The CulT couldn't hold its own under this absolute noise, as the SCOOGLE MK.51 marched forth to claim some family flesh. The CulT needed a miracle, a dream to come true!
Holy heavens! It was Dreams Come True! The original creators of the first, and some of the finest, Sonic the Hedgehog tunes! Long enraged at having their old melodies bloodily massacred by the Gameboy Advance's sound system, they'd finally had enough, and wanted revenge! This was anger on a scale of when STI re-used the original Sonic theme in Sonic Spinball! Grrr!
We lay like lovers in a warm embrace!
Dreams Come True unleashed their inner power, the power of whimsical melodies and charming tunes! The SCOOGLE MK.51, unable to cope with harmonious sounds and general pleasantness, groaned and wailed as it was slowly overcome with classic Sonic music! Such brilliance it could not cope with as it violently went kablooey.
Victory was the CulT's! Let there be another healthy round of pictures featuring young maidens showing off their Sonic CulT laden assets!
Dreams Come True were nowhere to be found. Had they really helped destroy the vile SCOOGLE MK.51? Or were they simply a manifestation of the CulT's inner power? Who knows? Right now however, there was another problem, the CulT had hit a small snag, yet again. The CulT had to face the next challenge of getting off this cursed island and finally lay some SCF4L flavoured ass-whoopin' on the wicked King Jan. The CulT artists, led by Kojichao and SirBukkake, concuted a fabulous masterpiece out of the SCOOGLE MK.51's remains. If King Jan can do it, the CulT can do better! Let the SCARZMOBILE XX be born! The CulT blasted off to confront King Jan! Arrr!
Back at the lair of Jan and his flamboyant Mardi Gras parades complete with fabulous pink satin bedsheets, things were becoming increasingly frustrating for everyone's much hated villain. Almost as frustrating as the level select code for Sonic 3--Yuji just couldn't mangle together a game bad enough to fulfill the evil dictator's wishes!
The CulT burst on to the scene just in time, Naka was about to be punished once more with another Sonic Underground song. The CulT came barging in complete with a multicolour scrolling background and kung-fu grip action moves, ready to kick some evil-dooer behind!
The CulT stormed through King Jan's goons like a Nemesis decompressor. King Jan was growing increasingly frustrated, the CulT would soon be upon him and ruin his plans before they even took off!
What was Jan thinking? The archives? What could he do with those alone?
What?! Jan was going to combine himself with the Sonic the Hedgehog archives, just as the CulT came bursting into his pink and fluffy nest of evilness. Jan screeched in his shrill girly voice as he began to transform violently using the power of the canned Sonic material.
Oops-a-daisy. Things are looking bad for the CulT. Almost as bad as the US version of the Knuckles' Chaotix storyline. However, it would seem the magic batteries of Ex Dee need a recharge. Be sure to tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion to the Ex Dee Archives Saga; Ex Dee 5: The Secret of the Archives!
Everyone's favourite satanic chat-show host, Oprah, wants it. She's threatened to eat Trigger don't you know.
Hoho.
Until next time children, Trigger loves you all.
Concept taken from the original No Jam! By Sinizuh